when I was 14

this was a draft that I am just getting around to finishing now...you'll have to excuse my absence...I've been growing a baby and being lazy.  

I'm co-directing a summer program for 105 incoming 9th graders, which I think I've mentioned before.  I'm not really sure that this is the best job for me this summer because I'm hugely pregnant and this program is causing me a lot of stress...but I guess I didn't really have a choice.

Anyway...everyday I come home and think "what the fuck are these kids thinking??"  (sorry mom, this warrants the f-word).  Was I anything like this when I was 14?

Here are some examples of some what-the-fuck-ness that has gone down:
A question texted to me:
"So, what are couples actually allowed to do in Level 9?" (meaning to each other)

A question asked to my face:
"Can girls and boys share a room when we stay at the hotel in Idaho?"

A conversation with me:
Student:
"I know I wasn't supposed to soak anyone with water because I'll get a strike, but while you weren't looking I totally soaked 2 other students...honesty is the best policy, right?"
Me:
"Thanks for being honest, that's your first strike."
Student:
"What, really??"

Situation:
A Metro bus driver had to pull over, get up and yell at our students for their behavior on public transportation.  Then she called Metro Police.

A conversation with me:
Refer to older blog post here.

A question asked to me:
Student:
"How was your birth?"
Me:
"I don't remember it, it was 31 years ago."
Student:
(confused)

Two ongoing battles:
1. Marker fights where the only objective is to mark the other person's face.
2. Water fights where the only objective is for YOU to get soaked by someone else. not to soak someone else.

When I was 14 I was riding the beach bus in the summer with Marjorie to Narragansett Beach to eat ice cream and lay out...and watch all the surfers.  I was probably giving my parents a hard time about my curfew and having boys over late at night, but I was not doing anything bad.  I feel like the students I worked with this summer are just so different from the 14 year old me and you.  I know I swear a lot now, but I NEVER swore in front of or AT adults.  I was not having sex with boys when I was 14.  And had I decided to have sex that early...I would NEVER have talked about it so openly with my friends, enemies, random adults or anyone who would listen.  I was not wearing booty shorts and showing off my boobs.  Wait, I'm pretty sure I barely had boobs at 14. Geez!

As someone who is about to bring a baby boy into this world...I'm petrified about what kids will be doing when he is 14!!!

wtf

So, today in my program I was visiting some of the classes to see how things were going.  A student raised his hand for me to come over...and I was pleasantly surprised!  This is how the conversation went:

Student #1: "Hi Brooke."

Me: "Hey...what's up?" (no, I don't know his name...shame on me...I only know like 20 students names)

Student #1: "Is that a burn on your face?"

Me: "Um, no...it's this terrible thing called Melasma and sometimes women who are pregnant get it."

Student #1: (to his friend next to him) "SEE...told you she wasn't burned."

Student #2: "I didn't know, it looks like she was burned to me."

Student #1: "I told him that happens to pregnant ladies' faces."

Me: "OK, well, glad we cleared that one up...now I really hope it goes away after this baby is born."

Student #2: "Yeah, me too...I mean, for your sake."

AWESOME!!!!!  As if I'm not self-conscious enough about it.  Want to see it?  OK, here is an actual picture and my interpretation of how I really look.

real picture of Melasma

fake picture of Melasma

This shit better go away.  I'm not against a really intense chemical peel, so if you have suggestions...clearly I'm open to hearing them!

restless leg syndrome

I'm pretty sure I have RLS and not just because I'm nearly 32 weeks pregnant.  Last night my legs were going into crazy spasm mode all on their own.  I wanted to chop them off.  Then I realized that I have a weird thing about body stumps so that probably wouldn't be a good idea.  It's not a full-on phobia of body stumps, but I get a little freaked out by them.  That scene in Scary Movie didn't help this freaked-outness either.  I know, it's not a stump, but it's equally as freaky. 

The only real phobia I have is of little people and I'm not even sure that is a real phobia as it doesn't have a phobia name.  I'm not exactly sure why I have this fear or even when it began, but it is pretty legit.  I can see them on TV or in a movie and I'm OK, but the second I am physically near a little person I start to have a panic attack.  This is like the meanest, worst phobia to have...but I can't help it.  I remember going to a dance in middle school (Archie R. Cole Middle School to be exact, although I could've sworn it was a junior high when I was there) and anxiously awaiting Stairway to Heaven so I could finally kiss my boyfriend...Stairway to Heaven was always the last song of the dance and they let the kids make out during the entire song!  Well, here we are, having a great time at the dance and as if planned, the crowd parts and running straight at me is a little person.  I think the story was that one of the staff members son was a little person, but was home-schooled or something so she decided to bring him so he could socialize with people his own age.  I nearly fainted right there on the dance floor.  I remember a couple of girlfriends having to walk me over to a chair and bringing me water.  Needless to say, I was sure he was going to run up an attack me at some point during the dance, so I barely enjoyed the making out during Stairway to Heaven.  My eyes were open the entire time...I'm sure my boyfriend, who did open his eyes from time to time while kissing, was like "what the hell is wrong with her?"  I never saw that little person again...but the panic attacks still happen to this day. 

 Any phobias you're a little embarrassed about??